Hotel Kerala-fonia

Mavelli comes to Cambridge

Lyrics - Girish Menon

The Asura king Mahaballi
Rich, generous had a big belly

The Devas just hated him
Into Patalam they kicked him

But he can visit us once a year
To meet his beloved, near and dear

SWAGATAM O MAHABALLI
TO CAMKERALA'S ONNAKALLI

For his sadya we've made Ollan
Sambar, Erisserry and some Kallan

He likes his rice mixed with Rasam
And tops it up with Payasam

To lift his spirits we've got Nadan Cull
For entertainment we'll do Onnam Thall

SWAGATAM O MAHABALLI
TO CAMKERALA'S ONNAKALLI

Audi Drivers

Audi Drivers
Girish Menon
 1/08/2013

Your speed limit is @ seventy
To protect each road user
But I'll drive my Audi @ one sixty
Coz I am not a loser

The judge banned me for three years
And fined me five one five
Fine, I said, will you take cash
It's time for my next drive

None of your laws will stop me
I've got more cash than you think
I can buy your cops and judges
With my tax haven market riches

Your income tax is @ 45 percent
To protect every lazy Briton
But I will pay @ zero percent
Coz I am not a cretin

The taxman may audit my books
To get cash for the treasury
His mates help me cook the books
And I won't share my luxury

None of your laws will stop me
I've got more cash than you think
I can buy your rulers and judges
With my tax haven market riches

Immigration Song

Immigration Song

by Giffenman

Its immigration say the Tories
The cause of all our worries
So lets shut the door
Keep the peril from our shore
And the BNP can make our curries

The fault may lie with the bankers
Managers, footballers and rich wankers
Yet its the always the brownman
yellowman and other bogeyman
Who will be showered with hard conkers

So lets shut the door
Keep the peril from our shore
And the BNP can make our curries

Why does the UK government struggle to reach its net migration target?

Figures show net migration is at a record high. To understand why, we must break it down into its main components

• 
• • Matt Cavanagh
  • guardian.co.uk, Friday 24 February 2012 17.30 GMT
  • larger | smaller
  • Article history

Statistics out this week show that 250,000 more people came to the UK than left in the 12 months to June 2011. Photograph: Clara Molden/PA

"Net migration" – total immigration, including both foreign and returning British nationals, who are intending to come for a year or more, minus total emigration – is the metric which ministers have chosen for their overall target.
They have pledged to cut it "from hundreds of thousands to tens of thousands" by 2015. But the latest statistics out this week show net migration remaining at a record high: in the 12 months to last June, 250,000 more people came to the UK than left. In other words, in its first 15 months, the government made no progress towards its target.
Why is cutting net migration so difficult? To answer this question, we need to break it down into its main components.

Emigration

This may seem like a surprising place to start, but – contrary to the narrative of anti-immigration campaigners, and Conservative ministers – it is emigration not immigration that has driven recent changes in net migration, with immigration remaining stable since 2004. One of the government's problems is that emigration remains low by recent standards.
This week's figures show a small rise in emigration of UK nationals, up 12% to 143,000, but this is offset by a fall in emigration of foreign nationals. Fewer people seem to want to leave the UK for work-related reasons during a time of global economic downturn, and retirement and "lifestyle" emigration by British nationals – highly dependent on UK house prices and pensions – remains lower than before the financial crisis.
The government plans to make it harder for working migrants to stay longer than five years, and for overseas students to stay on and work after graduation: these changes should mean that in future years, more foreign nationals will start returning home, but are unlikely to make enough of a difference to help the government hit its target.

Work migration and the immigration 'cap'

Despite the rhetoric, the only kind of immigration which is actually "capped" is one sub-category of working migrants, those from outside the EU, and excluding those on "intra-company transfers", and certain other exceptions. This covers 20,000 out of total immigration of just under 600,000 – around 3%.

Students

Overseas students are the largest category of migrants coming for a year or more, around 240,000. The government intends to reduce this number, and believes its policies are already starting to have an effect: the number of student visas fell by 4% in 2011. But it will be challenging to reduce the numbers enough to help meet the overall target.
The Department for Business, Innovation and Skills has lobbied internally against more severe restrictions on student visas, concerned about the impact on higher education finances (given the cuts in central government funding) and about the UK's position in this lucrative global market, one of the few areas of potential growth and export revenue over the coming years.

Family

Immigration on the "family route" has been falling over recent years, but ministers need it to fall faster if they are to hit their target. They are planning to introduce a minimum income requirement, which could disqualify around half of the roughly 50,000 who currently come to the UK on this route. But if this goes ahead, it is highly likely that this policy will be challenged in the courts.

European Union migration

The slight fall in the number of work visas granted to foreign nationals from outside the EU (down 7%) appears to be more than offset by an increase in the number of eastern Europeans coming to the UK to work, with eastern Europe continuing to contribute around 50,000 to the overall net migration figure.
The government cannot control migration to and from the EU, and trends here are hard to predict, but if the performance and prospects of the UK economy decline relative to those EU countries which are crucial to migration, such as Poland, this could reduce net migration, as fewer Poles arrive and more return home; however, there could still be more immigration from other struggling economies like Greece.
Overall, the government finds itself in the perverse position that its best chance of hitting its net migration target is if the UK experiences a prolonged economic downturn. If instead, as we all hope, we start returning to growth late this year or early next, ministers will face a more difficult set of choices. The risk is that the net migration target will force them to attempt more drastic reductions in work and especially student migration, simply because those are the easiest categories to control, and despite the fact that they are also the most economically beneficial categories, and the kind of immigration which surveys suggest the public are least bothered about.