Arming people and bombing them at the same time: that’s some strategy

By Mark Steel in The Independent

At last the West has developed a coherent strategy for Iraq. It goes, “No, hang on, maybe if we arm THESE blokes on the backs of trucks, make up THESE stories and bomb everyone on THIS side of the mountain, maybe THAT will work.”

There can’t be many people in the Middle East who haven’t been bombed by America for using the weapons given to them by America. Millions of people out there must be psychological wrecks, not because of shell shock but because when a Western army arrives, they don’t know if they’re going to be tortured with garden shears or given a palace and told they’re the new king.

The poor sods who ruled Iran must all need counselling, telling a therapist, “America kept saying it wanted to bomb me, now it says that when it told me I was a rabid, lying, filthy piece of squalid medieval vermin building nuclear weapons so I could destroy the universe and make flowers wear burkas, it was only being ironic. And if we really haven’t got any nuclear weapons they’ll lend us a couple, as long as we use them against the Islamic State people. I’m so confused I’ve started barking like a dog.”

We support anti-Assad forces in Syria, but some of them support Isis, who now call themselves Islamic State, so now we want to arm them and bomb them at the same time. If we can supply them with rocket launchers that they fire against Assad in the morning, then in the afternoon use them to blow themselves up, maybe that will keep everyone content. 

With similar skill we armed Osama bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein, and Colonel Gadaffi, and there must have been times when we’ve swapped sides during an air strike, between a bomb being launched and when it landed, so we’ve had to try and get all the armies on the ground to move round as we’re now on the side of the militia we were about to wipe out.

Former US presidential candidate John McCain is a master at this art. Since losing the election McCain has called for so many wars he’s been like those people who try to visit every football ground in the league,  aiming to call for every single country in the world to be bombed, ticking each one off as he goes. Eventually he’ll call for air strikes on Liechtenstein and the occupation of Barbados and he’ll be finished. 

In May of this year McCain went to Syria to pose for photographs with Syrian rebels who he insisted we supply with weapons. But the rebels he befriended are now part of Isis. This is a slightly unexpected turn for the right wing of the Republican Party – that it now supports holy jihad and the destruction of the West – but it’s a shrewd politician who knows how to move with the times.

It makes you realise if they hadn’t hanged Saddam and shot Bin Laden, they’d probably both be back on our side by now, and occasionally reviewing the papers on the BBC News Channel. There certainly seems to be nostalgia for Bin Laden, as politicians and commentators have insisted the current enemy is “far worse than al-Qa’ida. Because say what you will about the fundamentalist rascals, at least they were gentlemen, and the basements they made their videos in were always impeccably tidy, not like this lot you get these days”.

So a more efficient method of arranging our Middle Eastern wars might be to line everyone up when we get there, and pick sides, like with football teams at school. A general and a jihadist can take turns to select soldiers until there are only the useless ones left, then each side can wear yellow bibs so everyone knows who to fire at and who to call despicable savages that have to be stopped as we can’t stand by and do nothing.

To be fair there are some areas in which we’ve tried a more stable approach. For example, Saudi Arabia is always seen as a friend, and we’ve just agreed to sell them another £1.6bn worth of arms. But that can’t do any harm because at least they’re a modern nation with decent liberal values, like a little bit of Brighton in the desert. 

And Israel is always a close ally, with £3bn of arms a year from America, which goes to show if a country keeps its nose clean and doesn’t behave unpleasantly in any way it will be rewarded now and then with little treats.

That’s why one of the most confusing aspects of all is those people most keen to start another military campaign in Iraq, seem to dismiss the idea that the current mess has anything to do with the last military campaign in Iraq. And they may be right, because although we invaded the place on the insistence that there were weapons that didn’t exist, killing so many people we somehow made things even worse than they’d been under Saddam, we left there 18 months ago so I don’t suppose anyone still remembers that now.

So politicians will explain that we have to send our armies again, because these people are “pure distilled evil, the most appalling creatures, far worse than Satan”, before it’s pointed out to them that six months ago they invited them all to the White House for a barbecue and as a present gave them a flamethrower and a tank.

Spin bowling: Just grab your pocket as quickly as you can with your non-bowling arm

Moeen Ali reveals secret that umpire Kumar Dharmasena told him which has transformed his off-spinning fortunes

Umpire Kumar Dharmasen's hint has revamped 27-year-old's off-spinning and turned him in to a potent weapon for England

Man in the middle: Moeen Ali has become one of the most recognisable and popular England players since making his Test debut earlier this summer Photo: AFP

By Nick Hoult in The Telegraph

4:00PM BST 13 Aug 2014

  

Cricketers have concealed many things in their pockets over the years from dirt to lucky hankies but Moeen Ali has found a novel use for his that has trousered him 19 Indian wickets with power to add at the Kia Oval this week.

As Moeen, 27, was casting around for ideas to help his bowling before the Lord's Test against India, the umpire Kumar Dharmasena, an off spinner who played 31 Tests for Sri Lanka, provided the moment when it all clicked.

"After the first Test at Trent Bridge, where I went for quite a few runs, I sat down and analysed it and felt the need for change. Then Belly [Ian Bell] took me to one side on the practice day at Lord's and said: 'Look, this is what you've got to do to be consistent in the Test side, this is what Swanny [Greame Swann] did, bowl quicker and straighter, especially on a first-day pitch.'

"Then I went into the nets and the umpire Kumar Dharmasena was there and I asked him, as a former off-spinner, how could I bowl quicker without it being flat. I didn't want to bowl one-day stuff. And he said to me: 'Just grab your pocket as quickly as you can with your non-bowling arm.' As soon as I bowled one ball I knew it would work. That, for some reason, allows me to bowl quicker and straighter without being flat.

"I knew that was how I needed to bowl from then on. It's completely different from county cricket. I bowled there in the eye line, as people say, and I didn't have consistency. As soon as I bowled that way for England I got hammered, especially by India and Sri Lanka because they use their feet so well. Even slightly good balls disappear. So I had to bowl quicker and straighter and to my field a bit more." 

By grabbing his left pocket with his left hand Moeen introduces more momentum in to his action and is bowling around five miles per hour quicker than he did when he made his debut against Sri Lanka in June.

The result is a bowler considered a part-time off-spinner just a few weeks ago is now the fourth most successful spinner in a series against India outside Asia. He has taken six wickets in this Investec Series, more than Swann managed against India at home three years ago and a record that should mark him out now as a front-line spinner.

"I don't feel that way yet. I don't want to get carried away," he said. "But I do feel I've taken a big step towards being a decent Test spinner. I feel like I have more control, and that my captain and team-mates can trust me. But I don't want to speak too soon in case I get hammered on Friday but I feel very confident."

The Indians are unsure how they let Moeen dominate. MS Dhoni felt they paid Moeen too much respect at the Ageas Bowl, and fell to balls that did not turn, apart from last man Pankaj Singh. In Manchester they attacked, none more so than Dhoni who hoicked to midwicket in his team's desperate Saturday afternoon collapse.

"They felt I was an easy target, a guy they could get easy runs from, which has helped me quite a bit. If they attack me, now I'm bowling well, I've got a chance. But they're very good players of spin. I don't know how I'm getting these wickets but I'm happy to! I feel like I'm on top and I feel I can get players out."

Moeen's performances with the ball have eclipsed the attention he received during the third Test for wearing wristbands supporting the people of Gaza, a rare public display of personal opinion by a sportsman.

"I didn't think it would be such a big deal. I just totally forgot I had them on when I went in to bat. Obviously it all came out but it didn't bother me one bit, the media and what people say. Even if I get criticised it doesn't bother me because I just try to get on and do the best I can," he said. Moeen had been photographed a week earlier fundraising for charities working in Gaza but he reveals the background to the picture was not quite so straightforward.

"Actually that picture with that guy was when I was going to ASDA with my family and he obviously recognised me and asked to pose for a picture. I was like: 'Alright then.' I do like to do charity work but that particular day I wasn't actually doing it, I was just going shopping."

It is a sign of Moeen's rising profile both as an England cricketer and a representative of his community, a role he is relishing.

"A lot more people obviously recognise me and ask me for autographs. It's good because I get a lot of Asian kids especially coming and asking me 'what's it like playing for England?' and 'how do people treat you?' and that kind of stuff.

"That's the kind of barrier I want to try and break down – that people think it is tough and will treat you badly if you're a practising Muslim or whatever. Previously a lot of them wanted to play for India and Pakistan but now I get a lot more Asians coming up to me saying they're supporting England. That's what I want and that for me makes me happier than anything – a lot of people are supporting England and want us to do well."

Doosra: Is it really a question of integrity?

Posted by Michael Jeh 1 day, 5 hours ago in Michael Jeh



John Inverarity has bowled me a doosra today with his comments about the doosra and integrity. I’m genuinely not sure which way to play this one.



That he is a gentleman and a scholar there can be no doubt. His reputation as man of decency and integrity allows him the privilege of making a comment such as this with some immunity from anyone looking to take cheap shots at him. From that perspective, reading his words carefully, I can draw no hint of mischief or hypocrisy in his brave statement. Perhaps a long bow could be drawn to infer that he is pointing fingers at some bowlers but I genuinely think that to do so would be to do the gentleman an injustice. Clearly he believes that the doosra has the potential to corrupt bowling actions and he would prefer to see the Australian bowling contingent shy away from that technique. Fair enough too if that is his genuine belief.



On the other hand, I also believe that it may be a bit naïve on the part of Australian cricket, if Inverarity is speaking on behalf of the institution rather than as an individual, to encourage a policy that is clearly going to disadvantage Australia to this extent. Put simply, the doosra is arguably the most potent bowling weapon in modern cricket. Especially in limited overs cricket, it is probably the single most influential factor in giving bowling teams a sniff of hope. The fast bowlers have proved woefully inadequate in coming up with anything new to stem the flow of boundaries. In fact, their skill level has actually dropped some considerable level, evidenced by the steady diet of full tosses that are served up at least once an over when under pressure. So the doosra and the variations that followed (carrom ball) can lay claim to being the most influential game-changer. When a bowler with a good doosra comes on to bowl, I immediately sit up and take notice because there is always the chance that a game can be turned on its head. Since Shane Warne led the new spin revolution, nothing has excited me more in the bowling stakes than the perfection of the various types of doosra.







That is why I am slightly flummoxed by Inverarity’s stance on it. Whilst not necessarily agreeing with his inference that it may lead to illegal actions, I respect his integrity enough to accept his point in the spirit it was intended. However, to encourage Australian spinners to not learn the art form is possibly putting principle before pragmatism. That in itself is admirable if it were applied universally but no country, least of all Australia, has ever applied this morality on a ‘whole of cricket’ basis so what makes the doosra so special? Is Inverarity suggesting that Australian cricket should now make decisions on the basis of integrity or is the doosra singled out as the one issue where we apply the Integrity Test? If so, is it any coincidence that we don’t really have anyone who can bowl the doosra with any great proficiency and will that change on the day we discover our own Doosra Doctor?



All countries have their own inconsistencies to be ashamed of so I’m not suggesting that Australia is alone in this regard. Far from it. Living in Australia, I just get to see a lot more of the local cricketing news so I’m better qualified to make comment on Australian examples. A few examples spring to mind….let’s think back to the times when we prepared turning tracks in the 1980s to beat the West Indies. A fair enough tactic too so long as there’s no complaints if other teams prepare pitches to suit their strengths. Similarly, I recall a period during the late 1990s when Australian teams insisted on having their fielder’s word accepted when a low catch had been taken. That theory worked OK until Andy Bichel claimed a caught and bowled off Michael Vaughan in the 2002/03 Ashes series when replays showed it had clearly bounced in front of him. I know Bich quite well and he is as honest as they come so it was genuinely a case of him thinking it had carried when in fact it hadn’t. Around that same period, Justin Langer refused to walk when caught by Brian Lara at slip, despite the Australian mantra that a fielder’s word was his bond. They come no more honourable than Lara in this regard so what happened to the principle? Like all matters of convenience, it is admirable but rarely works when it becomes an inconvenient truth.



And that is the source of my confusion with linking the doosra to the question of integrity. I’m not convinced that the integrity issue will stand the test of time if Australia accidentally discovers a home-grown exponent of this delivery. Likewise the issue of the switch-hit. Now that Dave Warner plays it as well as anyone, are we opposed to this too on integrity grounds? If Warner hadn’t mastered the shot, would that too be something that we would not encourage because it perhaps bent the spirit of cricket?



Only time will tell whether Inverarity’s wisdom and guidance will be mirrored by those in the organisation with perhaps less integrity and more pragmatism in their veins. I suspect it will take more than one decent man to stop an irresistible force. His motives may be pure indeed but I suspect that this is one issue that will turn the other way!