Courtesy The Guardian
1. "I've decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust." – Tim Vine
2. "I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set." – Masai Graham
3. "Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief." – Mark Watson
4. "I was given some sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s." – Bec Hill
5. "I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me." – Ria Lina
6. "Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal." – Paul F Taylor
7. "Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying." – Scott Capurro
8. "I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame 'cause halfway through he disappears up his own arsehole." – Kevin Day
9. "I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven." – Jason Cook
10. "This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it." –Felicity Ward