'People will forgive you for being wrong, but they will never forgive you for being right - especially if events prove you right while proving them wrong.' Thomas Sowell
Forbearance in the context of couples refers to the act of showing patience, tolerance, and understanding towards one's partner during challenging or difficult times in the relationship. It involves refraining from reacting negatively or impulsively to certain behaviors or issues, and instead, choosing to handle them with compassion and empathy. Forbearance in a relationship is essential for maintaining harmony, resolving conflicts, and fostering a strong emotional bond between partners.
Here are some examples to illustrate forbearance in the context of couples:
Communication and Listening: Forbearance in communication means actively listening to your partner's concerns and emotions without interrupting or becoming defensive. It involves giving them the space to express themselves honestly and openly, even if their words might be difficult to hear. This allows both partners to feel heard and understood, leading to better conflict resolution and a deeper emotional connection.
Forgiving Past Mistakes: In a long-term relationship, both partners are bound to make mistakes or have regrets. Forbearance entails being forgiving and not holding grudges for past errors. Instead of dwelling on past wrongs, partners can choose to learn from the experiences and work towards a more positive future together.
Dealing with Differences: No two individuals are entirely alike, and couples often have different perspectives and preferences. Forbearance involves respecting these differences and finding compromises instead of insisting on having things one's way. It allows couples to appreciate each other's uniqueness and find common ground to build a harmonious relationship.
Support during Tough Times: Forbearance shines during difficult times, such as when one partner is going through a personal crisis or facing emotional challenges. Being there for each other and offering support, even if it means putting aside your own needs momentarily, is a display of forbearance that strengthens the bond between partners.
Resolving Conflicts: Instead of engaging in heated arguments or trying to "win" in conflicts, forbearance encourages couples to approach disagreements with a calm and understanding demeanor. Partners can actively listen to each other's viewpoints, refrain from personal attacks, and seek resolutions that benefit both parties.
Allowing Space for Growth: Forbearance in a relationship means giving each other the freedom to grow and evolve as individuals. This might involve supporting each other's personal goals, career aspirations, or hobbies, even if it means spending time apart occasionally.
By practicing forbearance, couples demonstrate maturity, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to prioritize the relationship's well-being over individual ego or pride. It creates an environment of trust, safety, and support, allowing partners to navigate the ups and downs of life together more effectively and enjoy a fulfilling, lasting relationship.Here are examples from cinema and books that illustrate forbearance in the context of couples:
Communication and Listening:
Example - Movie: "The Notebook" (2004)
In the film, "The Notebook," the main characters, Noah and Allie, face challenges and misunderstandings throughout their relationship. However, they demonstrate forbearance by genuinely listening to each other when they reunite years later. They communicate openly about their past, express their feelings honestly, and work through their differences with understanding and empathy.
Forgiving Past Mistakes:
Example - Book: "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen
In "Pride and Prejudice," Elizabeth Bennet demonstrates forbearance by eventually forgiving Mr. Darcy for his initial prideful and condescending behavior. Over time, she comes to understand his true character and forgives his past mistakes, leading to a deeper connection and eventual marriage.
Dealing with Differences:
Example - Movie: "Up" (2009)
In the animated film "Up," Carl Fredricksen and Ellie have different dreams and aspirations. Ellie's dream was to explore Paradise Falls, while Carl's dream was to have a home with Ellie. Even though their dreams were not entirely aligned, they both showed forbearance by finding common ground and supporting each other throughout their lives, despite their differences.
Support during Tough Times:
Example - Book: "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green
In "The Fault in Our Stars," Hazel and Gus, two teenagers battling cancer, form a deep bond and support each other emotionally during their toughest times. They show forbearance by being there for each other, even when it's emotionally draining, and by understanding the gravity of each other's situations.
Resolving Conflicts:
Example - Movie: "Before Sunrise" (1995)
In "Before Sunrise," Jesse and Celine, two strangers who meet on a train, spend a night together in Vienna and engage in deep conversations. They display forbearance during their disagreements and find common ground to resolve conflicts. Their willingness to understand each other's perspectives contributes to the magic of their fleeting but intense connection.
Allowing Space for Growth:
Example - Book: "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert
In "Eat, Pray, Love," the author embarks on a journey of self-discovery and growth after a difficult divorce. Her journey involves forbearance in her romantic relationships as she learns to prioritize her personal growth and needs. Through her experiences, she allows space for herself and her partners to evolve and find fulfillment.
Communication and Listening:
Example - Movie: "Silver Linings Playbook" (2012)
In the film "Silver Linings Playbook," Pat and Tiffany both struggle with mental health issues. They show forbearance by actively listening to each other's challenges and providing a safe space for open communication. Through their conversations, they gain insight into each other's experiences and form a meaningful connection.
Forgiving Past Mistakes:
Example - Book: "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald
In "The Great Gatsby," Jay Gatsby deeply loves Daisy Buchanan, despite her past mistakes and questionable decisions. Gatsby demonstrates forbearance by continuing to love and pursue Daisy, even after learning about her flaws and past choices.
Dealing with Differences:
Example - Movie: "Bend It Like Beckham" (2002)
In "Bend It Like Beckham," Jess and Jules come from different cultural backgrounds and face opposition from their families due to their passion for soccer. They show forbearance by supporting each other's dreams and aspirations, understanding the challenges they face, and standing up against cultural norms to pursue their passions together.
Support during Tough Times:
Example - Book: "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger
In "The Time Traveler's Wife," Clare and Henry's relationship is complicated by Henry's involuntary time-traveling. Clare exhibits forbearance by supporting Henry through his unpredictable time jumps and being patient with the challenges it brings to their relationship.
Resolving Conflicts:
Example - Movie: "500 Days of Summer" (2009)
In "500 Days of Summer," Tom and Summer have differing expectations for their relationship. They show forbearance by engaging in honest discussions about their feelings and experiences, even though it leads to conflicts and heartbreak. The film portrays the complexity of relationships and the importance of understanding each other's emotions.
Allowing Space for Growth:
Example - Movie: "La La Land" (2016)
In "La La Land," Mia and Sebastian are both aspiring artists pursuing their dreams. They show forbearance by giving each other the space to pursue their passions, even when it means spending time apart for the sake of their individual growth and careers.
Recovering from Betrayal:
Example - TV Series: "Friends" (1994-2004)
In the TV series "Friends," Ross and Rachel's on-and-off relationship faces numerous challenges, including betrayals and misunderstandings. They exhibit forbearance by working through their issues, forgiving each other's mistakes, and eventually finding a way to be together despite the difficulties.
Accepting Flaws and Imperfections:
Example - Movie: "Beauty and the Beast" (1991)
In "Beauty and the Beast," Belle shows forbearance by looking beyond the Beast's exterior appearance and learning to love him despite his initial harsh demeanor. She teaches him the value of compassion and understanding, leading to his transformation into a kind and loving partner.
These examples further illustrate how forbearance plays a crucial role in various relationship dynamics, highlighting its significance in fostering understanding, empathy, and resilience between partners.
In cricket, as in any sport, there are two kinds of mistakes.
The bad mistake arises out of confused thinking, lack of focus and a poor understanding of tactics. The good mistake, on the other hand, implies a well-thought out plan gone wrong or an attempt to force the issue backfiring.
Increasingly as his captaincy progressed, India's most experienced and successful Test captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni kept making bad mistakes. Giving his bowlers one-over spells, for instance. Or wasting a fielder at leg gully.
Good fortune and hunches can take you only so far - every captain in the game's history has taken chances with an inexplicable bowling change or an illogical batting line-up and surprised everybody by winning. But that cannot be the basis for captaincy.
Positive attitude
Virat Kohli, at 26, younger than Dhoni by seven years, is not yet tactically sound but has two important things going for him: a positive attitude and enormous self-belief.
The essential difference between the past and future of Indian cricket is that while Dhoni was clearly on his way down, Kohli can only improve.
He will face many of the problems Dhoni did - a poor bowling attack, especially abroad, the pressures of being on the field for beyond 50 overs or a single day, the hope that victories in the shorter format will make up for their absence in Tests.
India had caved in without a fight in 13 of 17 Tests abroad before the last Australian tour. They lost the 14th in Adelaide, where Kohli led for the first time, but the texture of the defeat was different. The Anna Karenina Principle applied. "All happy families are alike," wrote Tolstoy in his novel, "each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Similarly, all victories are alike but defeats are wildly different.
Kohli is younger than Dhoni by seven years
India went down in a blaze of glory, attempting to make 364 runs in a day and coming startlingly close.
Playing for a draw was never an option, said Kohli, perhaps aware that India had the batting to win the Test, but not to draw it. Still, there was promise of a change in the standard narrative. Optimism is infectious, and it is easy to catch it off a captain who is full of it.
Kohli projected that optimism and spirit right from the days when he led India to the Under-19 World Cup win. He was marked out as future captain.
The IPL has a lot to answer for. But in Kohli's case, it actually helped.
Finding a balance
After initially tasting its many enticements, Kohli settled down. In his corner was his team Royal Challengers Bangalore coach Ray Jennings, who told him that the Under-19 triumph would soon be forgotten, and that he would be judged as an adult cricketer. Anil Kumble helped to channelise and focus all that energy. And he was made captain in anticipation of the bigger job to come.
While Kohli's captaincy in the one-day format has been aggressive and focused on winning, in Tests he will have to learn - as his bowlers too will - the virtues of patience and long-term planning.
Indian cricket will have to find a balance between Dhoni's tendency to let things drift and Kohli's impatience with uneventful overs and sessions. There is an element of fishing in the longer format. You put out your bait and wait. Kohli will have to learn the waiting game.
Whether it is a reflection of the times, a consequence of playing too many matches in the shorter formats of the game or a question of temperament, India's cricket is currently characterised by an impatience that makes them perform well below potential.
Bowlers are in a hurry to take wickets or simply run through their overs, batsmen seem to have forgotten how to play session-to-session. Kohli will have to rid the team of bad habits.
While many believe that a captain is only as good as his team, the best ones have inspired their teams to play above themselves. Pataudi for one,Mike Brearleyor another.
Kohli's advantage is that he is the best batsman in the side, and there are no immediate candidates for his job. In other words, he will be left alone to develop his full potential as captain, unhampered by the need to constantly watch his back - an occupational hazard with Indian captains of the past.
Sir Michael Barber, once a chief education adviser to Tony Blair, introduced one of the enduring modern myths about education when he quoted an unnamed South Korean policymaker in 2007, who said: “The quality of an education system cannot exceed the quality of its teachers.” This great teacher myth is often presented as a simple equation: great teaching gets great results. It’s a view that is widely held, tremendously appealing and completely wrong.
It sounds plausible. After all, children spend a lot of time at school and, collectively, we spend a great deal of money on education. By the time they are 16, children have been at school for 10,000 hours, the figure often said to be the minimum necessary to master a skill, and we spend around 5% of our GDP on education. Surely teachers must be the biggest factor in ensuring that all this effort is worthwhile?
David Cameron spoke “as a parent, not just a politician” when he recently introduced yet another plan to “deliver the best teachers” to “make Britain the best place in the world to learn”. “The best teachers” has become a common refrain in the ongoing narrative about schools, and it is very clear that many parents, pundits and politicians assume that the prime driver of attainment in schools is teachers themselves. So embedded is this idea, in fact, that when we hear that teaching is in crisis it is often assumed that this is because we don’t have enough good quality teachers. And often, we hear that by removing the bad teachers from the system, we will see improvements in future.
There is a huge problem with this view. Just how do you know who are bad teachers? For the past 40 years, a movement now known as “school effectiveness research” has promoted the idea that good teachers get good outcomes for children. Those who believe this also believe that, by removing bad teachers from our schools and replacing them with better ones, the crisis will be averted.
The key issue with this line of thinking is that teachers aren’t actually directly responsible for the learning in schools.Because, when it comes down to it, children are the ones who actually have to do the learning. Unfortunately, much to the frustration of every teacher – and parent – in the land, children don’t always do what they are told, or learn what we attempt to teach them. What’s more, children are by definition immature, and they don’t always know what is best for them. To further complicate matters, some children find school and learning easy and some don’t, often for reasons out of their, and our, control.
While teachers have to take responsibility for providing the very best circumstances in which to learn, any parent will know that children have their own ideas regardless of what we have to say about the matter. Children, sadly, are not all passively waiting to be filled up with facts and knowledge like empty vessels. The resistance of some children is legendary. Others overwhelm us with their eagerness to learn. But trying to teach anyone anything is tricky unless they actually want to learn, and are in a position to do so. What’s more, learning is hard work; it requires effort, repetition, practice, mental and physical exertion.
All this adds up to a picture of complexity ill served by the great teacher = great results myth. As is well known in the world of educational research, the variation in outcomes within any school is much, much larger than the variation between schools. In the same school, with the same teachers, some children learn a lot and others not so much, because while teachers teach, children are ultimately responsible for what they learn. There is lots of evidence that the vast majority of any child’s learning is due to their own efforts, not that of the school or of their teachers. In fact, academics such as Dylan Wiliam of the Institute of Education in London suggest that around nine times as much of a child’s measured learning outcomes can be attributed to the child rather than the difference their schooling has made.
Does that mean that teachers don’t matter? Of course it doesn’t. We need teachers who help children to get the most from their time in school. It does, however, mean that the common assumptions about what schools can achieve are based on a fallacy. Because learning is done by the child, and not by the teacher, and no education system can exceed the desire and capabilities of its children. The Korean policymaker was wrong. Schools are a very thin layer of icing on a very, very big cake. As highly skilled, dedicated and inspirational as the icing might be, in the end it is the cake that counts.
