Forbearance for Couples - A Difficult but Must Have Trait for Longevity

 By ChatGPT

Forbearance in the context of couples refers to the act of showing patience, tolerance, and understanding towards one's partner during challenging or difficult times in the relationship. It involves refraining from reacting negatively or impulsively to certain behaviors or issues, and instead, choosing to handle them with compassion and empathy. Forbearance in a relationship is essential for maintaining harmony, resolving conflicts, and fostering a strong emotional bond between partners.

Here are some examples to illustrate forbearance in the context of couples:

1. Communication and Listening: Forbearance in communication means actively listening to your partner's concerns and emotions without interrupting or becoming defensive. It involves giving them the space to express themselves honestly and openly, even if their words might be difficult to hear. This allows both partners to feel heard and understood, leading to better conflict resolution and a deeper emotional connection.

2. 
   

3. Forgiving Past Mistakes: In a long-term relationship, both partners are bound to make mistakes or have regrets. Forbearance entails being forgiving and not holding grudges for past errors. Instead of dwelling on past wrongs, partners can choose to learn from the experiences and work towards a more positive future together.

4. 
   

5. Dealing with Differences: No two individuals are entirely alike, and couples often have different perspectives and preferences. Forbearance involves respecting these differences and finding compromises instead of insisting on having things one's way. It allows couples to appreciate each other's uniqueness and find common ground to build a harmonious relationship.

6. 
   

7. Support during Tough Times: Forbearance shines during difficult times, such as when one partner is going through a personal crisis or facing emotional challenges. Being there for each other and offering support, even if it means putting aside your own needs momentarily, is a display of forbearance that strengthens the bond between partners.

8. 
   

9. Resolving Conflicts: Instead of engaging in heated arguments or trying to "win" in conflicts, forbearance encourages couples to approach disagreements with a calm and understanding demeanor. Partners can actively listen to each other's viewpoints, refrain from personal attacks, and seek resolutions that benefit both parties.

10. 
    

11. Allowing Space for Growth: Forbearance in a relationship means giving each other the freedom to grow and evolve as individuals. This might involve supporting each other's personal goals, career aspirations, or hobbies, even if it means spending time apart occasionally.

By practicing forbearance, couples demonstrate maturity, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to prioritize the relationship's well-being over individual ego or pride. It creates an environment of trust, safety, and support, allowing partners to navigate the ups and downs of life together more effectively and enjoy a fulfilling, lasting relationship.Here are examples from cinema and books that illustrate forbearance in the context of couples:

1. Communication and Listening: Example - Movie: "The Notebook" (2004) In the film, "The Notebook," the main characters, Noah and Allie, face challenges and misunderstandings throughout their relationship. However, they demonstrate forbearance by genuinely listening to each other when they reunite years later. They communicate openly about their past, express their feelings honestly, and work through their differences with understanding and empathy.

2. 
   

3. Forgiving Past Mistakes: Example - Book: "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen In "Pride and Prejudice," Elizabeth Bennet demonstrates forbearance by eventually forgiving Mr. Darcy for his initial prideful and condescending behavior. Over time, she comes to understand his true character and forgives his past mistakes, leading to a deeper connection and eventual marriage.

4. 
   

5. Dealing with Differences: Example - Movie: "Up" (2009) In the animated film "Up," Carl Fredricksen and Ellie have different dreams and aspirations. Ellie's dream was to explore Paradise Falls, while Carl's dream was to have a home with Ellie. Even though their dreams were not entirely aligned, they both showed forbearance by finding common ground and supporting each other throughout their lives, despite their differences.

6. 
   

7. Support during Tough Times: Example - Book: "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green In "The Fault in Our Stars," Hazel and Gus, two teenagers battling cancer, form a deep bond and support each other emotionally during their toughest times. They show forbearance by being there for each other, even when it's emotionally draining, and by understanding the gravity of each other's situations.

8. 
   

9. Resolving Conflicts: Example - Movie: "Before Sunrise" (1995) In "Before Sunrise," Jesse and Celine, two strangers who meet on a train, spend a night together in Vienna and engage in deep conversations. They display forbearance during their disagreements and find common ground to resolve conflicts. Their willingness to understand each other's perspectives contributes to the magic of their fleeting but intense connection.

10. 
    

11. Allowing Space for Growth: Example - Book: "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert In "Eat, Pray, Love," the author embarks on a journey of self-discovery and growth after a difficult divorce. Her journey involves forbearance in her romantic relationships as she learns to prioritize her personal growth and needs. Through her experiences, she allows space for herself and her partners to evolve and find fulfillment.

1. Communication and Listening: Example - Movie: "Silver Linings Playbook" (2012) In the film "Silver Linings Playbook," Pat and Tiffany both struggle with mental health issues. They show forbearance by actively listening to each other's challenges and providing a safe space for open communication. Through their conversations, they gain insight into each other's experiences and form a meaningful connection.

2. 
   

3. Forgiving Past Mistakes: Example - Book: "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald In "The Great Gatsby," Jay Gatsby deeply loves Daisy Buchanan, despite her past mistakes and questionable decisions. Gatsby demonstrates forbearance by continuing to love and pursue Daisy, even after learning about her flaws and past choices.

4. 
   

5. Dealing with Differences: Example - Movie: "Bend It Like Beckham" (2002) In "Bend It Like Beckham," Jess and Jules come from different cultural backgrounds and face opposition from their families due to their passion for soccer. They show forbearance by supporting each other's dreams and aspirations, understanding the challenges they face, and standing up against cultural norms to pursue their passions together.

6. 
   

7. Support during Tough Times: Example - Book: "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger In "The Time Traveler's Wife," Clare and Henry's relationship is complicated by Henry's involuntary time-traveling. Clare exhibits forbearance by supporting Henry through his unpredictable time jumps and being patient with the challenges it brings to their relationship.

8. 
   

9. Resolving Conflicts: Example - Movie: "500 Days of Summer" (2009) In "500 Days of Summer," Tom and Summer have differing expectations for their relationship. They show forbearance by engaging in honest discussions about their feelings and experiences, even though it leads to conflicts and heartbreak. The film portrays the complexity of relationships and the importance of understanding each other's emotions.

10. 
    

11. Allowing Space for Growth: Example - Movie: "La La Land" (2016) In "La La Land," Mia and Sebastian are both aspiring artists pursuing their dreams. They show forbearance by giving each other the space to pursue their passions, even when it means spending time apart for the sake of their individual growth and careers.

12. 
    

13. Recovering from Betrayal: Example - TV Series: "Friends" (1994-2004) In the TV series "Friends," Ross and Rachel's on-and-off relationship faces numerous challenges, including betrayals and misunderstandings. They exhibit forbearance by working through their issues, forgiving each other's mistakes, and eventually finding a way to be together despite the difficulties.

14. 
    

15. Accepting Flaws and Imperfections: Example - Movie: "Beauty and the Beast" (1991) In "Beauty and the Beast," Belle shows forbearance by looking beyond the Beast's exterior appearance and learning to love him despite his initial harsh demeanor. She teaches him the value of compassion and understanding, leading to his transformation into a kind and loving partner.

These examples further illustrate how forbearance plays a crucial role in various relationship dynamics, highlighting its significance in fostering understanding, empathy, and resilience between partners.

The Importance of Being Single

 

IF A WOMAN HAS THESE 14 QUALITIES NEVER LET HER GO, Do you agree?

VALENTINA RESETARITS, GISELA WOLF in The Independent

People in long term relationships will someday get to the point where they need to ask themselves: Is this really the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? Is the woman by my side really the one?

Scientists all over the world are researching the extremely complicated issues surrounding love and relationships and they have spent thousands of hours trying to figure out how people fit together and what qualities they need to bring into a relationship to make it a happy and lasting one.

We have compiled the most important and interesting results of these studies. If the woman by your side has these 14 qualities and behaviours, you know you have found the one.

1. She is smarter than you

When you are looking for a partner for life, make sure that she is smart. Ideally, she should be smarter than you. And science agrees. Lawrence Whalley, professor emeritus of the University of Aberdeen has been researching dementia for a long time and he found that a smart woman can protect you from dementia later in life. His advice: “The thing a boy is never told he needs to do if he wants to live a longer life — but what he should do — is marry an intelligent woman. There is no better buffer than intelligence.”

The idea is that a smart partner never stops challenging you intellectually, which helps you keep your mental faculties keen forever.

2. She is honest

Everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions sometimes. This makes it even more important to have someone who can get you back on track and tell you when you are wrong. Studies show that men want to have an honest partner by their side when they look for a long term committed relationship. If you have found a woman like that, never let her go again.

3. She has a positive outlook

​Is your girlfriend the type of person who always sees the glass as half full? Could you sometimes even accuse her of naïve optimism? Then you might have found the woman of your dreams. Because look at it this way: Negative people are toxic and bad for our health in the long run.

This is because we tend to take on the negativity of people we spend the most time with. This was shown in a research paper by the psychologist Elaine Hatfield. And this internalized negativity can lead to increased heart rate, it impedes our digestion and lowers our concentration.

4. She compromises

Life can’t always be a bed of roses and at some point in your relationship, you and your partner will disagree. It’s completely normal and even inevitable. But the relationship can only work if both partners are willing to compromise.

Psychologists of the UCLA have accompanied 172 married couples for 11 years and came to a simple conclusion: “It’s easy to be committed to your relationship when it’s going well,” said senior study author Thomas Bradbury. “As a relationship changes, however, shouldn’t you say at some point something like, ‘I’m committed to this relationship, but it’s not going very well — I need to have some resolve, make some sacrifices and take the steps I need to take to keep this relationship moving forward.”

The scientists say that those willing to take the steps and make the sacrifices will have a long and happy marriage.

5. She laughs at your jokes

Of course we always want someone by our side who actually laughs at our jokes. In 2006 a study by psychologists of Westfield State University suggested that having a partner who thinks they are funny is more important for men than for women. If you have already found a woman you can laugh with, make sure to take good care of her.

6. She has an open heart

Having a partner who shines in the public spotlight and can easily make herself heard in a group makes life a lot easier.

A study by the University of Westminster suggests that people who are open hearted and share personal information are seen as especially attractive. The authors of the study even say that this quality is so important that people will judge the physical appearance of open hearted people as more handsome or beautiful.

7. She supports your goals and pursues her own

For a long time scientists tried to prove that men prefer to marry weak women. In her book “Why smart men marry smart women”, Christine C. Whelan thoroughly debunks this myth and proves with statistics that successful, well educated and high earning women do not marry less often than others.

And remember the advantages: A strong woman by your side will motivate you and won’t be dependent on you. You don’t need to worry about her and she won’t need your constant validation.

A weak person often tends to forget his or her own goals. These people don’t just prioritise the goals of their partners, they tend to co-opt them completely. This has been shown by a study of the University of British Columbia. You need a healthy combination of personal goals and goals you pursue together.

8. She has a good relationship with her parents

​If you want to know what your partner will be like in 30 years, look at their parents. If you want to know how they will treat you in 30 years, look at how they treat their parents now.

Researchers of the University of Alberta questioned 2970 people of all ages and saw a clear correlation between the relationship to the parents in their teen years and their love life later on.

But this doesn’t mean that her relationship with her parents always needs to be perfect. “Understanding your contribution to the relationship with your parents would be important to recognising any tendency to replicate behaviour - positive or negative - in an intimate relationship,” author Matt Johnson writes. The only way to learn how to do better in other relationships is to be aware of those behaviour.

9. She is kind

Science says that the keys to a long and happy relationship are kindness and generosity. Psychologist John Gottmann of the University of Washington started his research on married couples over four decades ago.

He identified two kinds of couples: Masters and Disasters. The disasters, you guessed it, break it off in the first six years of the relationship. But the masters stay together for a long time and always have this one thing in common: “They are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully,” he said in an interview with The Atlantic.

10. She remains calm in fights and calms you down too

Fights are an inevitability of all relationships. Never disagreeing is not a sign of a stable relationship. But the important thing is how you deal with disagreements and how you make up again after.

Researchers of the University of California Berkeley and Northwest University have accompanied 80 couples for 13 years and they found out that a relationship will last the longest if the woman can calm herself during a fight and transfer those emotions to the man. The effect is not the same if the man is the one to calm down first.

11. She does foolish things with you

Have you found a woman who does not hold it against you if you stayed out too long partying? In most cases because she was at the party with you? Then never let her go again.

A long term study of the University of Michigan with 4864 married individuals showed that the happiest couples where those who drank alcohol together. Of course this doesn’t mean that alcoholics are happier partners. “It could be that couples that do more leisure time activities together have better marital quality,” says Kira Birditt, author of the study.

12. She has a life of her own

Having your own space and privacy is even more important for your relationship than a good sex life. This has been shown by a long term study of the University of Michigan. “When individuals have their own friends, their own set of interests, when they are able to define themselves not by their spouse or relationship, that makes them happier and less bored,” Terry Orbuch, author of the study, said in an interview with The Wall Street Journal.

13. She accepts your flaws

Too many relationships only seem to consist of one partner criticizing the other. Their ugly pants, their bad jokes, their annoying habit of chewing too loudly, you get the picture.

If you have found a woman who can just accept you, you should consider yourself lucky. “An optimistic approach will rub off on you and attract you to others who are seeing the world as half full,” psychologist Terry Orbuch said in her column for The Huffington Post.

14. She does not bear grudges

If you found a woman who can forgive others, you will have her by your side for a long time. A study by researchers of the Luther College, the Duke University, and the Harvard Divinity School showed that people who can unconditionally forgive others live longer lives.

But perhaps more importantly: Forgiveness is the foundation of a healthy relationship. People are not perfect and neither are you. There will be times when you inadvertently do something that hurts your partner. And then you will need her to be able to forgive you.

If you have found a woman who has some or all of these qualities, treat her well and never let her go. Your life will be better for having her.

"IF A MAN HAS THESE 9 QUALITIES NEVER LET HIM GO" Do you agree?

Rachel Hosie in The Independent

There are certain traits that the majority of heterosexual women look for in a man: kindness, GSOH, an understanding that the fight for gender equality is very much still ongoing.

But other aspects of your personality could be a deal-breaker for one woman and simultaneously the reason another falls in love with you.

Beauty of all kinds really is in the eye of the beholder, and human uniqueness is what makes the search for ‘the one’ all the more interesting (and difficult).

That said, with scientists having spent decades trying to work out the key to why we fall in love, there are certain things you should look for in a potential suitor which suggest you may have found a keeper.

With the advent of dating apps meaning another love interest is never more than a right swipe away, it can be hard to commit.

So if you're wondering whether to settle down with your current partner, it might be worth taking a step back and asking yourself whether he ticks the boxes below.

If he doesn’t, that doesn’t mean he isn’t the one for you. But if he does, you’ve likely got a pretty good egg on your hands.


1. He’s smart

While some of us are naturally brainier than others, a new study from the Hanken School of Economics in Finland suggests that the smarter the man, the less likely he is to be unfaithful. According to the research, more intelligent men are more likely to get married and stay married.

So if you’re worried your boyfriend might be too brainy for you, a) don’t be intimidated because intelligence isn’t everything, and b) know that you may have a guy who’s more likely to be faithful on your hands. 

2. He makes you laugh

Finding someone you can have a laugh with is crucial - even if everyone else rolls their eyes at his dad jokes, if they crack you up, that’s all that matters.

And a study has shown that men are more likely to have “mating success” if they have a GSOH. 

3. He actively supports your career

A study found that husbands were a deciding factor in two-thirds of women’s decisions to quit their jobs, often because they thought it was their duty to bring up their children.

Even when the women in the study described their husbands as supportive, they also revealed that the men refused to change their own work schedules or offer to help more with looking after children. 

4. He makes as much effort with your friends and family as you do with his

It’s not uncommon for a woman to end up giving up her own social life to slot into her new man’s. But it’s rare that a man does the same once entering a relationship.

In fact, a recent study found that young men get more satisfaction out of their bromances than their romantic relationships with women. While this is clearly ludicrous, maintaining your friendships is important. So make sure you’re with a man who not only wants you to make time to see your friends but also makes an effort to get to know them too.

5. He’s emotionally intelligent

If stereotypes are to be believed, it is women who are always desperate to talk about feelings and never men who fall hard. Whilst this definitely isn’t true, it’s important each person in a relationship has a certain level of emotional intelligence.

Studies suggest that women are better at taking the opinions and views of their partner into consideration than men, which is essential for a healthy relationship.

6. He respects your opinions and listens to what you have to say

Being closed-minded isn’t a trait that’s exclusive to a particular gender, but if a man is convinced he’s always right and will never consider your argument, it’s not a good sign.

If a man rejects his female partner’s influence, it may be a sign that he has power issues, according to Dr John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

7. He’s willing to put the work in

A study from the University of Texas found that the most successful relationships weren’t down to compatibility, but rather making the relationship work. “My research shows that there is no difference in the objective compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy,” study author Dr. Ted Hudson said.

So if you or your partner is always looking for the next best thing rather than committing to make your relationship last, it may not bode well. 

8. He celebrates your achievements

Whether it’s deadlifting your bodyweight or learning enough German for a trip to Oktoberfest, it’s important to have a partner who celebrates your achievements.

But this isn’t just to make you feel great - a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples who did so were more satisfied with their relationships than those who reacted negatively or were indifferent.

9. He shares your values

Having a similar outlook in life could be crucial to a successful relationship, according to a study. The more alike your personalities are, the more likely you are to approach problems in the same way.

You and your partner will share similar approaches to everything from socialising to working if your priorities are the same, and this is likely to lead to a greater level of respect for one another.

Of course, if your partner doesn’t have all the above qualities that doesn’t mean you should necessarily dump him immediately - we all look for different things in a partner and a relationship, after all.

But if he does tick all these boxes, he could be one to hold on to.