Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Pick up Lines

Hey girls, do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy

 What have you got in that handbag? 

"Hey baby, this fondue is waiting for you. You wanna taste it?"

You remind me of my son

Nice legs. What time do they open

The word of the day is "legs". Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

Your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas. I'd love to meet you between the holidays.

"Have you got any Irish (substitute nationality / race) in you?"   "No".  "Would you like some ?"

I've just won the lottery and I'm a friendless orphan

"Where have I been all your life?"

'So you fancy a shag'?  'No', 'Well d'ya mind laying down while I have one'

Hi, you're pretty. Would you like a drink?

Oy! Love! Do you like chocolate? Coz I've got half a bar for you

Awreet hen, fancy a poke an a tickle?

"Hi, I'm [insert name here], what's your name?" and then asking them about themselves.

How do you like your eggs ? fertilised ?

Was your father a mechanic because when you just walked into the room I felt my nuts tighten

Your facial symmetry suggests that you might be a fertile mating partner.

My favourite gay bar chat up line is, "Please allow me to push your stool in for you".

"I'll just go and pop the kettle on for tea, feel free to be naked and lying on the couch when I get back."

You have eyes like spanners. When I look into them, my nuts tighten.

“Would you be in any way offended if I said that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection?”

    Do you sleep on your chest? No. Can I?

    Me: Do you like chicken?
    Potential love making partner: Yes.
    Me: Well you should suck my cock, it's fowl!

    There's a party in my pants and you're invited

    "I'm not much of a cook so i'll have to take you out for breakfast"

    I'm drunk and you're ugly lets settle

    You know how brown is good for you? Try me

    ''I've had my name changed, to Bond, but not James bond, Unibond, cos I was made to fill your crack''.

    I may not be Fred Flinstone...but I can make your bedrock

    Hey... so, do you know what's got 100 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?
    It's the zipper on my jeans

    You have a boyfriend? Call me when you want a man friend.

    A guy once came up to me and asked if I could help him identify what material his t-shirt was made of. I said it looks like cotton to me. He said no, you're wrong, it's boyfriend material...

    Excuse me, do you have any raisins?
    Well, how about a date then?

    Buy me a drink and I'll give you my undivided attention

    Do you drive?
    Well, back onto THIS then baby!

    Me :"50 ton penguin?"
    Target: What?"
    M: "Need something to break the ice"
    M:"Did it hurt?"
    T: "Did what hurt?"
    M: "When you fell out of the cute/babe/gorgeous/lovely tree, and hit all the branches all the way down?"

    "Stare at me in disgust if you want to blow me"

    "You'll do."

    "This face leaves in half an hour. Be on it"

     "Do you want to come back and meet my cat?"

    Go up to a woman in a bar, put your hand on her backside and say "excuse me is this seat taken?".

    Fuck me if I'm wrong but is your name Gertrude

    If I was your dad, I'd still be bathing you.

    "Those clothes would look good as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!"

    "No hablo español pero beso muy bien..." ("I dont speak Spanish but I kiss very well....")

    *Walk up to a girl whilst bringing mobile phone from your ear*...“I just called my girlfriend to described you to her; she admits, it is only fair and proper that we break up so that I can have this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to try to kiss you.”

    “Do you come here often? Give me the chance and I’ll make it five times in ten minutes.”

    “It’s a medical emergency and only you can save me: either help me to get off or stay out of my line of sight, ‘cos every time I catch sight of you, so much blood rushes to my penis that I faint.”

    “Are you paying for that skirt in instalments? If so, I’m very glad you’re skint; let me buy you a drink.”

    A friend of mine used to go up to women in pubs and extremely politely ask them if they had a pen and bit of paper in their handbag as he had urgent need of said items. Once the pen and paper were produced and handed to him he would ask for their phone number, simple.

    "You look way too expensive for me, so I'm just going to walk off. But you can follow me if you like."

    "Would you consider spending the night with me? My ex is coming round tomorrow and you're so hot, it would really make her jealous."

    'I've got a magic watch'
    '...why is it magic?'
    'Well, at the moment, it's telling me that you're not wearing any knickers'
    'I think your watch is broken'
    'Hmm, yes you're right, it's an hour fast'

    "There's only going to be seven planets left tonight, after I destroy Uranus."

    "I hope you have pet insurance, because when we get back to yours I'm going to destroy your pussy."

    "Do you like dried fruit? How about a date?"

    Have you farted because you just blew me away

    The only thing between us is air and opportunity.

    A woman once asked me what I thought of her outfit, to which I replied "I don't know, I've already undressed you with my eyes." 

    My cat said I would never meet somebody like you, shall we prove her wrong?

    "Make sure you don't get arrested for being so hot!"

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