Pradosh - quoting 'Steve Wright'

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19- I intend to live forever; so far, so good.

20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

And ...
34- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Astrologer in trouble

MADURAI: An astrologer in Tamil Nadu has landed himself in trouble with a court summoning him to appear for allegedly predicting a long life for a dead man.

A judicial magistrate court in Sirkazhi, about 200 km from here, on Friday summoned Sivasamy of Vaitheeswarankovil, who practices 'naadi jothidam', on a cheating complaint by one Gopalakrishnan.

Under the method, predictions are based on ancient palm leave manuscripts, said to have been written by Tamil saint Agasthiyar. The manuscript with predictions for a particular person is located based on the thumb impression.

Gopalakrishnan said he had recently approached Sivasamy, who runs a centre at Vaitheeswarankovil, near Sirkazhi, home to 'naadi' astrology, and gave his thumb impression.

The astrologer picked up a manuscript and read out the predictions. The predictions were also given in writing on payment of Rs 2,000. But, the predictions were false, he claimed.

As a test case, he then gave the thumb impression of a person, who died in 2003, to the astrologer and paid the fee. The astrologer gave in writing that the person, whose thumb impression was given, would have a long life.

Seeking action against the astrologer, Gopalakrishnan in his complaint said he did not want another person to be cheated like him.

Judicial Magistrate Neelavathy posted the case to March 21.

28 Feb 2007, 7.05 am

Woke up this morning with a sore throat. Prepared for teaching today - though have half a mind to take a day off.

Yesterday at CCSS, I was rather strongly urged to quit my teaching room for L6 at Tenison Road so that Nici could teach one student in that room. I refused to give way and there was a bit of unpleasantness involved.

We had our chess meet with Coolay, Samir, Eric, Om and me playing. I managed to beat Eric, Om beat him twice. Coolay toyed with Samir - and honours were even 1-1 in his match with Om. Came home only after 8.45 pm

Jayaram asked me to find articles on Time Management and virtual libraries.

27 Feb 2007 - 7.09 am

Yesterday was a quiet day and I did not dream at night either. I marked my students papers, watched two episodes of The Wonder Years and listened to Magic on TV lolling on the sofa. Went to Tesco to pick up Suma, bought some olives and chillies in brine. Had a drink of whisky and tonic. Ate pasta for dinner, thought of enrolling for a writing course - Suma quipped that she has high regard for my abilities - went to bed at 8 pm, woke up at 4.30 am and prepared for today's teaching. Drew up a chess coaching timetable with Om's help.

26 Feb. 2007, 5.55 am

My dream of the previous morning came true in that at the Bury st. Edmunds Chess tourney Om lost two matches. He won three and drew one to end up with 3 1/2 points. It was a tough tournament for Om as he grappled with the idea of competing with the U10s. Alexander Harris and Alvin Gardener -both Cambridge boys - were the leaders of the group. Om managed to defeat Jessica who had done a Scholar's mate on him at the London Juniors in December. He also drew with Haroon Majed, after having him on the rack, Haroon had beaten Om at the Thetford tournament where he was the champion.

I dont know what is the impact of the other dream about Pinky's mum Puran.

We had a good day at Bury's Culford school, we initially ended up at the back end of the school - the AA guide took us to the wrong gate - and this was a huge property and it took us nearly five minutes of actual driving to get to the front gate of the school. Culford is a very old and posh school with lovely greens and woods and some really breathtaking views. The building where the tourney was held appeared to be an old palace or a manor house. Om asked me a question, 'Why is the stage and the curtains painted witha dark maroon colour?' The event was played in an auditorium that was a nice venue. On the way back I took the B1106 ended up in Thetford, took the A11 and A14 to get back.

Sree announced that they had received the offer of naturalisation in the UK.

I bought a book Bobby Fischer's outrageous moves and a chess recording book for Om.

This morning I dreamt of a situation where Suma and I were both jobless nd were trying to emigrate (probably to the US) and were in a depressed mood - not knowing what to do next.

25 Feb 2007, 5.AM

This morning, just before I woke up I had a dream involving Pinky's mother Puran. We were at our Kalina flat, which she was inspecting - initially she began to question and argue with me. However as time went on, we started hugging each other and getting really intimate.

I have met Pinky's mum once - in 1986 or 1987. I had called up their Pali Hill residence to speak to Pinky, when she tried to masquerade as Pinky and had a long conversation with me. I soon realised that it was her mother told myself if I can make love to her mother then why not. So when she invited me home that same day, I went there and had a long cht with her - and towards the end of the talk Pinky arrived - she was shocked to see me with her mum (no sex nor any intimacy though). I was then escorted to the gate where her mother wished me goodbye and that was the end of it. Hence I wonder what if any significance this dream has for me.

Before the above dream, I had another dream about accompanying Om to a chess tournament - today in a few hours we will be actually leaving for the Bury St. Edmunds tour ney - and Om lost his first two matches and I was counselling him. I wonder what this dream portends for today.

Tony Blair makes Comical Ali seem the voice of reason

The former Iraqi regime spokesman's boasts seem almost prophetic. Unlike the prime minister's deluded declarations

Marina Hyde
Saturday February 24, 2007
The Guardian

If one is to endure a prime ministerial discourse on Iraq for any length of time these days, it is necessary - in the name of sanity - to cultivate strategies of detachment. Destroying another radio solves nothing, and there may be health risks associated with beginning one's waking day shouting dementedly at the glottal-stopped voice drifting over the airwaves. And so it was, listening to Tony Blair sing the praises of his Iraq adventure on the Today programme on Thursday, that my mind began to wander. If it wasn't all such a bleeding mess, I thought vaguely, the prime minister's delusions of success would be almost comical. Comical ... comical ... the word triggered some neural connection. But what? Gradually but inexorably, the memory of another charismatic proselytiser for Iraq's rude health began to resolve itself.

Cast your mind back to the Iraq war as it was originally billed - the one where we won in three weeks - and which revisionist historians may just come to classify as a kind of phoney war curtain-raiser to the prolonged horror that succeeded it. Quite the most entertaining cameo of the day - even counting Clare Short's hilarious insistence on staying in the cabinet so she could oversee the reconstruction effort - was that played by Saddam's information minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, who we came to know as Comical Ali.

Not for him the relentless negativity that so exasperates Tony Blair where critics of his mission's success are concerned. "There are only two American tanks in the city," the information minister would beam beatifically during one of his must-watch daily briefings in early 2003, surrounded by reporters who would have been to able to count at least three if they stood on a low chair. Or recall his declaration as news channels screened footage of coalition troops patrolling Saddam international airport: "They are not in control of any airport."

Listening again to Blair's Today interview, it is easy to imagine his declarations as simply one melody in a discordant symphony, a series of those beloved soundbites that could be spliced with contrapuntal news of actual events. "We should be immensely proud." Crash! A six-hour firefight in Ramadi leaves 12 dead. "What we had to do was rebuild an Iraqi army and police - we did that." Bang! A US soldier dies and three are injured by a roadside bomb in Diwaniya. "It is better now that [Saddam] has gone." Wallop! A car bomb factory is discovered in Baghdad. Just as it was with his apparent inspiration, Comical Ali, it becomes ever more difficult to avoid the suspicion that the prime minister is living in a parallel universe, where success and failure are merely states of mind.

Of course, as mentioned, the information minister's input in this historic saga was limited to a cameo. After being captured by coalition forces, he was almost instantly released, evidently deemed to have known so little as to be useless. Unlike Mr Blair, al-Sahaf seems to have become swiftly aware of the limits of his appeal, and after a few TV appearances, he now lives an unassuming existence in the United Arab Emirates.

His prime ministerial imitator, however, is assumed to have far loftier plans, with the North American lecture tour a seeming inevitability. Enthralled audiences can no doubt expect more insights such as we gained on Thursday, when the PM appeared to justify Iraq's sprightly journey in the direction of civil war with the observation: "You can't absolutely predict every set of circumstances that comes about." Well quite. You can, however, have a vague punt on possible outcomes, and if you are over the age of 15, not involved in a still-unfathomed platonic infatuation with the US president, and willing to listen to intelligence you didn't pilfer off the internet, you might hazard the road ahead was slightly more pitfall-ridden than seems to have been judged.

But will the time ever come, one wonders idly, when our revisionist historians reconsider the ravings of Comical Ali? The idiocy of most of his statements will, admittedly, endure. Footwear-based supremacy has not been achieved, despite the much-vaunted boast that the Iraqis would be waiting for the coalition forces "with shoes". But the smile fades when recalling other pronouncements. "Do not be hasty because your disappointment will be huge," the old crazy warned. "You will reap nothing from this aggressive war, which you launched on Iraq, except for disgrace and defeat." "We will embroil them, confuse them, and keep them in the quagmire," he said later, adding that "they cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them! They are the ones who will find themselves under siege."

There are, of course, rather fewer than 26 million people in Iraq these days, but even those who dispute the precise extent of the population depletion might agree that it comes to something when, in hindsight, several statements by this preposterous character seem more prophetic than anything spouted by the British government at the time. Fortunately for Mr Blair, this kind of cynicism is not voguish in the hotel ballrooms of North America. There he may expect to be permanently cossetted against any unwelcome intrusions of reality, and we can only wish him the speediest of journeys.

marina.hyde@guardian.co.uk